Sometimes you definitely need a sense of humor as a pontoon boat owner. It might be that you gave your pontoon a dirty name without realising it, or perhaps you’ve managed to pull away from the dock without detaching the dock lines.

Regardless, we love our boats, and will defend our passion to the hilt. But sometimes it’s good to laugh at yourself, it’s healthy.

Since I started boating, I’ve heard all the usual mid-life crisis jokes and puns about the boat being a money pit. I’ve heard them all.

But you might not have done, so I’ve decided to list all of the best pontoon boat jokes I’ve heard or can find.

Now, quick disclaimer here. There aren’t actually many jokes specific to pontoon boats. So, we’ve got to make do with generic boat jokes. Here’s some of the best.

Pontoon boat jokes

Due to the lack of pontoon boat jokes, I’ve taken some Funny boat jokes and adapted them for pontooners. They still work just as well as decent puns and boat one liners.

Why did the pontoon boat sink while tied to the dock? Pier pressure! 

A pontoon boat carrying red paint crashed into a boat carrying blue paint. The crew were marooned. 

Do pontoon boats like this sink very often? No, usually it’s only once.

Funny boat jokes

Quick disclaimer again; these funny boat jokes aren’t going to get you winning a stand-up comedy night. But they truly are the best boat jokes I could find out of a bad bunch.

How many boaters does it take to change a lightbulb? None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order. 

When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? When there’s a sail on it. 

Where do sick and poorly boats go? The dock. 

Why does the new French navy have glass bottomed boats? It’s so they can see the old French navy! 

Do you know which type of vegetable is banned on boat?  Leeks. 

What did the ship’s captain say when he got stuck trying to navigate through a narrow channel? We’re in dire straits! 

My wife has just sailed to the Caribbean. Jamaica? No, she went on her own accord. 

Just bought a really expensive barge pole. I thought I would push the boat out. 

Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the side of their boats? It so when they finally come back into dock, they can Scandinavian! 

I saw a man trying to juggle ten rowing implements. It was truly oar inspiring. 

I just managed to swap my boat for a new model I hadn’t seen before. I thought it was worth a punt. 

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Canoe. Canoe, who? Canoe answer the door, please? 

My rower friend is really annoying. He’s always sticking his oar in. 

A man was working at a boat supply shop. He was a salesman. Boom. Boom. 

Which sailors blow their noses most? The anchor chiefs. 

Silly boat puns and one-liners

Carrying on now with some more puns and boat one-liners, here are a few silly boat jokes.

How much does it cost for a pirate to pierce his ears? A Buccaneer! (a buck an ear, get it?) – click for more information on pirates!

How do you make a boat feel better? Give it some vitamin sea. 

There was a paddle sale at Cabela’s. It was quite an oar deal. 

What’s the difference docking line and a lawyer ? One should be whipped at both ends: the other keeps your boat tied to the dock. 

What do you call the fastest sailboat in the world? Usain Boat. 

Why do oars fall in love? Because they’re row-mantic. 

On our last voyage, I refused to live in the same cabin as the captain. This didn’t boat dwell with him. 

Why did the admiral decide against buying a new hat? He was worried about cap-sizing! 

What do you call a boat full of buddies? A friend-ship.

Why are pirates really cool? Because they arrrgggghhh! 

How do you make a pontoon boat look younger? Boat-Tox. 

A sailor eating alphabet soup found the seven Cs. 

I got a new saltwater boat. I use it for saline. 

What wears a uniform and floats in water? A buoy Scout! 

I like the rear of the ship, Jack said sternly. 

What did one boat say to the other boat? Are we up for a little row-mance? 

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. They had to throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter. 

What do you call a sail with only two corners? I haven’t got a clew! 

Old sailors never die, they just get a little dinghy. 

I’m not one for buoyancy, but you know, whatever floats your boat.

Dirty boat jokes

And finally, here are some boat jokes that are dirty. I’ve starred out one of the words in here due to bad language being used, but you will still be able to get the joke as it is intended.

Why is sailing like sex? When it’s good, it’s really, really good. And when it’s bad, well, it’s still pretty good!

As I gently slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could feel it getting wetter and wetter. I slipped my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me. I thought to myself, I really need a new boat.

Beer is like sex in a rowing boat. It’s f***ing near water! 

Why did Pamela Anderson’s yacht tip over? It was a bit too top heavy. 

What do you call a boat that refuses to be full of seamen? Censor-Ship.

The last word…

I can’t think of any more boat puns… Canoe?

I had to get that last boat joke in. I actually think it’s the best one of the lot!

I hope you’ve enjoyed these boat jokes and puns.

If you know of any more and would like your pun or one liner added to this list, please get in touch with me on the usual channels and social media.