For those boat enthusiasts with a sense of humour, giving your boat an awful name is one of those rare chances in life to embarrass your loved ones on a truly grand scale. If you’re the type of person who relishes the anguished expression on your friend’s face as you whip out yet another terrible pun, or you simply get some satisfaction out of watching someone name an expensive piece of machinery “Barf Bucket”, here are a collection of some of the worst names ever you can give to your boat.
Worst filthy boat names
Imagine showing off your brand-new boat to your parents in law, watching as they make the wide eyes and the nods of approval – all until you bring them round to the where you have “Suck My Deck” written in massive letters on the stern. Watch as their faces drop and your mother’s face turns a special shade of crimson.
For those with a dirty sense of humor or a penchant for embarrassing their loved ones, christening your boat with something offensive offers a unique opportunity. Whatever your stance on this type of name, here are some of the best of the worst offensive boat names that have been spotted around the world:
- Titan Uranus
- Stiff Ripples
- The Salty Swallow
- The Mistress
- Moisty
- Twice A Knight
- Wet Spot
- Wet Dream
- Let’s Get Nauti
- Girthy
- Blow Job
- Blow Me
- Nauti Gal
- The Filthy Oar
- The Seaman
- Thong Chaser
- Panty Puller
- Friskey Monk
- Money Shot
- Miss Behaving
- Spred em
- Cremaster
- Love Machine
- Lucky Sperm
- Vagitarian
- G-Spot
- Rumpled Foreskin
- Suck My Deck
- Airgasm
- Moisture Missile
- Doggy Style
- Cunning Linguist
- Morning Wood
- Cunning Stunts
- Shirty Dagger
- Bull Ship
- Ship-Faced
- Makin’ Luff
- Double Penetration (for a Catamaran)
- Four Play
- Dixie Normous
- Beaverlicious
- Nauti Intentions
Say it ten times fast
For those who prefer to be a bit more discreet with their filthy sense of humour, here are a few of the worst boat names that your loved ones might not get straight away; not until they say it out loud a few times.
- The Pork Hunt
- Oily Beef Hooked
- Mader Folker
- Sofa King Fast
Toilet humour
While we’re on the topic of worst fishing boat names that would make a twelve year old giggle, it seems sadly inevitable that there are boats out there that have been named after bowel movements. Here are some of the worst that have been spotted in harbours around the world:
- Breaking Wind
- Passing Wind
- Passing Gas
- Hot Sheets
- Pull My Finger
- Poopy Express
- Port-a-Party
Pushing the boundaries of taste
Dipping far enough into the barrel that we’re now scraping the bottom, here are a few names that are in such bad taste, you can’t help but wonder why. If nothing else, they’re sure to raise a few eyebrows.
- Titanic
- Crimescene
- Tax Seavation
- No Fat Chicks
- Spedophile
- Strangers With Candy
- The Smuggler
Puns ahoy!
For those who enjoy inflicting their loved ones with terrible puns and dad jokes, here are a few of the worst boat names I could find that will either draw a reluctant smile from your friends and family, or make them roll their eyes:
- Fanta-Sea
- Sea-duction
- Sea Ducer
- Toy Yot
- Blew Bayou
- Cirrhosis of the River
- Keeling Me Softly
- That’s Kwik
- Pier Pressure
- Tina Tuna
- Sails Call
- Sailine Solution
- Sailsman
- For Sail
- See ya
- Loon-a-sea
- Seanile
- Itza-Du-Zea
- Si Yes Da
- Ahoy Vey
- Yacht Sea
- Aquaholic
- All Gulls and No Buoys
- Bay Bay
- Boat-acious
- Buoys in the Hood
- Maid of Plywood
Knot puns
When it comes to bad puns, working “knot” into a name is perhaps one of the most common options, as can be seen from the following boat names that have been spotted throughout America:
- Why Knot
- Knot Perfect
- Knot a Wet Dream
- I Sheet You Knot
- Knot Fast
- Knot To Worry
- Knot Held
- Knot Working
- Better Knot
More of the worst fishing boat names
Moving away from names that rely on puns, or offensive humour, we’re left with the names that are more general, but as still so bad they’re good (in some cases). If it’s the worst fishing boat names you’re after, I think these will really fit the bill!
- Liquor Box
- Up in Smoke
- Dry Rot Express
- Widowmaker
- YOLO (just… why?)
- Blowing Chunks
- Barf Bucket
- The Jobsite
- The Office
- Support the Right to Arm Bears
- Pissed N Broke
- Never Again II
- Shoot Low They’re Riding Chickens
Boat naming regulations
For those looking for inspiration, and in particular for those who are aiming to give their boat an offensive name, it’s important to take into account that you will need to check the local regulations on what you can get away with. This will vary from country to country, and from state to state, so it will be important to do your research.
For example, according to American guidelines, you can get away with an offensive name as long as it’s not identical (either phonetically or in spelling) to any obscene or profane language. The name must not be a racial or ethnic slur, and it must not be a word or phrase that is used to solicit assistance at sea, such as “mayday”, “coast guard”, or anything of that nature.
Here some examples of the worst boat names that could get banned:
Something else to keep in mind is that even if you do find an offensive name that works with your local regulations, you may also need to get the approval of your boating club. There are plenty of stories from around the world of clubs rejecting potential boat names because they were deemed to be too offensive, even if they were a play on words, such as “The Filthy Oar”.
It’s worth coming up with a list of potential names, and to see what sticks.
Want more inspiration?
If you still haven’t found an idea that you might want to use, then please browse my collection of boat name ideas.
Here is a selection of some of the most popular ideas:
